Family Story

One day I noticed my 15-year-old son, was spending a lot of time in his room playing computer games.  Those of you who have kids and especially boys may relate to this.  I also notice that although he was having a lot of fun he was also hiding out from the rest of the family. The strange thing was it looked very much like my life when I was his age.  I could tell he was hiding out because I did the same thing at that age.

We may think this is just normal teenage behavior.  What I know from my experience is, there was a lack of love and a break down of family values.

I had a talk with my son and said “I know you like the computer games and you are having fun and I know you are also hiding out in your room from the rest of us.  What I want you to know is that I have created a dysfunctional family.  I have killed off our family communications with you by my greed for holding my time to be more important than our time together.  I have gained agreement through divide and conquer that let other family members to see you as less so we could be better, have more, or have it our way.  I have not been a true leader of this family and have not managed it with the love and compassion that would make you even want to come out of your room and be around us”.

He said, “Duh!  Like what took you so long to figure that out!”

I said “I love you and I am taking a stand to include and complete with you and everyone in this family as opposed to divide and conquer.  I said I don’t have all the answers although I am committed to you now and forever”.  We talked much more about our family, grandparents, and their grandparents.  We both cried and became much closer in our relationship because of our sharing.

Divide and Conquer

As the weeks passed, I explained what the difference was in my mind between divide and conquer and include and complete. Divide and conquer is an act out of survival as opposed to include and complete which is an act out of love.

Divide and conquer is something I learned, and we, as the human race, have learned and have used for thousands of years and continue to use today.  We use it to split up two people, groups of people, nations, races, genders, political groups, rich and poor, ect.  We see it every day in our home, at work, on the news, and in the world.  We gain agreement on one side while splitting off the other side, then conquer them, then control them, and kill off those that get in our way.

It has worked for thousands of years because of a low-level of consciousness or maybe even un-conscious thinking.  We have had the luxury of using it and abusing it because we simply have not been at a level of power that it really mattered.  We have now reached a point that we no longer have that luxury.  We now have the knowledge and power to kill every living thing on this planet through nuclear and biological war.

Include and Complete

“So what does include and complete mean and how does that work?” my son asked.  I gave him and the rest of my family my meaning and how I will manage this and how they could manage it as well.

Let’s use an example of a family dinner and we are all at the table eating.  This by the way is a very important part of family bonding that is fading away from many homes so I suggest we all bring this most important ritual back into our lives.

When I see a family member at the table being very quiet and another one dominating the conversation I engage with the one talking and comment on their topic and then ask them to include and complete. This means for them to look around and spot the person that is being quiet and ask them what they think about the topic or engage them in a topic of their interest.

The intent is to balance out the conversation, tone down the one dominating the conversation and include the person being quiet.  What we are doing here is completing our conversation and including someone else so they can express who they are and what they are up to or interested in.  We want to get to know them and have them realize we love them and are truly interested in them too.

For the first few weeks my daughter was very upset with this new balance of power in our family.  As normal the competition between brothers and sisters and of course adults does not go down or away very easily.  We could all see the dynamics of our family changing right before our eyes and although changes are difficult this was well worth the work, dedication, and intention for more love and equality in the family.  Are we now a perfect family?  Far from it.  Do we experience much more love, harmony, and fun, in our family?  Yes, we do and by constantly managing include and complete it just keeps getting better.

The Balance of Power

This balance of power in the family is always a dance, never perfect, and always the intention we strive for.  Realizing I was in the un-conscious world of divide and conquer was not easy.  It took coaching from all members of my family and many seminars, and I had to be very coach-able to get it.

Universal Peace

Once I realized it I then began to understand how that same principle worked outside my home and in my neighborhood, place of work, in my nation, and in the world.  I finally had the power to stop all wars one person at a time.  How could I make a difference in any war?  Well now I know, include and complete, one person at a time.  The concept works and spreads from your home, where it starts, and out into the world.  We have had people living off this planet now for a few years in places like the international space station, and soon the Moon and Mars.  We are moving beyond peace on earth to universal peace.

We asked our daughter “how would you end the war in Iraq”.  She said “I would ask the people of Iraq what they wanted”.  Now there is an example of simple wisdom and truth a child can bring forth.

Our family members looked at each other and said yes!  We need the people of America speaking to the people of Iraq and other nations not just the leaders.  We need to tell them the truth and the lies we have held and find out what they really want so we can truly have a relationship that works.  Not one dictated by the leaders of nations.  A place you might find Dialogs For Peace as an example is This is a forum for creating the conversations between the people of nations full of possibilities.

The Power of Our Word

We do create our world and our universe from the Power of Our Word.  The lie that we tell our self is we don’t have the power to stop the war on fossil fuels.  What we are not willing to say to the world is that we want the cheapest gas, food, and everything else on the planet and we are willing to kill for it.  We will also put the blame on any president, republican or democrat, so we do not have to accept responsibility for our actions, mostly because we lie to ourselves thinking we just do not have the power to do anything about it.

We have the Power

We do have the power through the technology of our words like include and complete and through the technology of our tools like solar and wind.  When we really get our responsibility in 9/11 we can take our technology to the world and give the gift of true power and freedom we are capable of giving.

Who would you have to be to play this game?  Everyone Included, No One Left Out!

The Personal Power Project was created by me, Dan Ringwald, while taking a Self-Expression and Leadership Program from Landmark.   Join us and share the excitement as we help people gain their personal power and freedom one person at a time.

Landmark – This education made a huge difference in my life!